absurdity

My cousin Brenda just called.  She’s a little bit older than me and I’ve always loved her as more than a cousin.  I was at her wedding a bazillion years ago and I’ve been to the weddings of all of her brothers and sisters.  I officiated at the wedding of her daughter in 2006.  We talked and laughed…we have always shared the same sense of the absurd, and just being able to share that with her…meant so much.  I have to keep focused on the absurdity of this situation to help get me out of it sane, which is absurd in and of itself.

As usual, the problem isn’t elsewhere…it’s me.  I am the worse thing this alcoholic has to deal with on a daily basis.  Freedom from bondage is freedom from self.  I was thinking about what I wrote earlier about surrender…surrender doesn’t mean defeat, it means release.  If I practice “these principles in all my affairs” (the 12 steps of AA) it follows that can apply them to the situation I am in now.  (Following me?)  I have to give all this…this temporary pain…this temporary situation to God.  If it comes back to me, send it back.

That’s what I’m going to try to do.  Stay in the present.  I will try to catastrophize everything and squirrel cage; that is my nature as a drunk.  I have to think differently and act differently in order to get different results.

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